Leave you behind
by Rain7
Summary: A short fic of Beka's thoughts while she learns what it means to leave someone behind.


Leave you Behind

Disclaimer: Andromeda is owned by Tribune, I simply borrow.

Summary: A short Beka piece in which she realises just what it means to leave someone behind. Just something I needed to write, because guilt is such an awful thing and I know just how Beka would feel. 

She never meant to leave him behind. It all happened so fast. The fight. There were so many of them, they didn't have enough firepower. They were outnumbered by so many. 

She caught sight of him, cornered doing his best to shoot his way out. She fought to get back, to save him, even though she knew it was hopeless, she'd never manage it. He was lost, in a storm of people, guns, alarms.

She made to go back into the fight, but she was pushed back further, heading towards the Maru. She fell, got back up, hurt, her head bleeding. Everything after that was a blur. The Maru, flying away, being attacked by ships, then the Andromeda. 

She passed out a some point from her head injury. Leaving the ship on auto-pilot. She woke to Dylan by her side, still in the Maru. She managed to choke out those few words. "Harper.... left behind....oh God, Dylan I left him behind." 

She woke confused, disorientated. She struggled to remember, something important... Harper, she'd left him behind. She'd left Harper behind. She fought back tears. Crying wasn't going to save him, action would. She stood up, ignoring Trance's protests. 

She made her way to command. Dylan, Tyr and Rommie were there. Trance followed her inside. She could see it in all of their eyes, regret. She knew it was in her eyes too. She felt their pity, resented it. It wouldn't get Harper back.

She felt void of emotions as Dylan outlined his plan. The rescue plan. The Drago-Katsov had Harper, it had been an ambush. They would return Harper if we handed over Tyr and those precious remains of his. Or Dylan.

Tyr would go in on the pretence of giving up, then they'd rescue Harper from the prison where they were keeping him. They'd all escape, it would be a happy ending. 

Yeah, right. Who knows what they'd done to Harper already. He may not even still be alive. But they had to try. She had to try. She'd left him behind, she'd get him back. She, herself. 

She overrode Andromeda's command protocols and took the Maru out. She left a message for Dylan saying she'd either come back with Harper or not at all. 

And now she sat in the Maru, hidden behind a moon, on the outer rim of the system. The prison where they were keeping Harper was on the fifth planet in the system. Heavily guarded. She sat there trying to come up with a plan. She'd have to wait until it was night on the planet, then she'd rescue him. 

But that was seven hours away, and that meant she had seven hours to think. And she didn't want that. She'd left him behind. Oh, God, she had abandoned him. 

She had made him a promise, long ago, that she'd never leave him. But she had. She broke her promise.

She'd get him back though. She would. She'd save him and everything would be okay. Except she knew it wasn't true.

When you leave someone behind, and if you get them back, the thing is, they won't be the person you left behind. You may never get that person back, they may be lost to you forever. And that scared her.

She'd lost him, the moment she had left him behind. She'd never get the Harper she knew back. But she would get Harper back. She'd owed him that.

She managed to sneak the Maru onto the planet, she even by some miracle got inside the prison and found Harper. He was in a bad way. She and Harper were trying to get the hell out of there when she realised her mistake. She'd never get them both out. 

Even before the guards started shooting she realised they were done for. She had failed him. She sat him down on the floor, and stayed standing over him, protecting him. But there were too many guards and too few of her. She'd run out of ammo eventually. 

Then someone else started taking out the guards, and their attention was divided. Her comes the cavalry, she thought smiling to herself. Sure enough Dylan and Tyr appeared shooting down the guards and making their way to them. Tyr took Harper and they made their way out. 

Dylan took Harper from Tyr and Tyr left to take their ship back and cover the Maru's retreat. Dylan, Beka and Harper went in the Maru. They made it out, to the Andromeda. 

Trance took care of Harper. Dylan gave Beka the customary trust us talk and Beka and Harper talked. He'd be okay, he forgave her. Yet, yet she knew she'd lost something, something small, but important. 

It wasn't trust. Harper trusted her. It was as if a little bit of himself had been lost and she hadn't managed to rescue it with the rest of him. 

Though he was back to himself, smiling and joking, she still felt it. 

It would always be there, she knew. A little reminder that, if you leave something or someone behind, you can never get it back. Not really.

But she knew, somewhere inside of her, that she'd never leave him behind again. That she would never risk losing any more of him. He was too important to her. 

The End. 

PS. I never meant to have to leave you behind and I promise we will get you home soon. Just please hold on. 


End file.
